Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
