Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
