I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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