I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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