i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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