I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
