Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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