I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
