I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
