Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
