just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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