Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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