yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
