I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My penis needs a shock collar
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
