I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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