fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
