I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
