She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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