Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
