Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
