i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
