Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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