Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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