so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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