Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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