think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
