Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
