My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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