saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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