what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
