my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The police scanner is talking about you again....
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
