That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
