Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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