If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
