i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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