i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
