in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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