I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
