yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
