Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You had me at "let me see your balls"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
