ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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