ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize