sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
