happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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