Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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