New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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