All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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