Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
