I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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