Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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